Opinion » The Rant

The Rant



I hate to give up, but on many levels I think it's time to throw in the towel. I was going to write this for the younger readers out there, who may not remember Warner Brothers' Henery Hawk cartoon. If you've never seen it or don't quite remember it, it's the one in which the tiny, puffed-up, overly aggressive chicken hawk ran around like a steroidal maniac looking for chickens to kill and eat but never succeeding because he just wasn't quite mature enough. In fact, I found this description on a popular website for cartoon fans: "When their [Warner Brothers'] biggest stars found themselves in predatory situations, it was always in the latter role; they got their laughs by foiling those trying to hunt and kill them. Henery was a rare predator protagonist, whose laughs came from his inability to bring home anything to eat. It wasn't that he had any inborn failings in that regard. His extreme aggression would no doubt make him a very competent chicken hawk, provided he didn't starve to death before developing his skills. It's just that he was too young and inexperienced to know a chicken when he saw one and far too small to do much about it if he did." I was going to write about this as a way to explain the latest antics of the National Embarrassment (aka George W. Bush), but apparently I am behind the times and someone else already has laid rubber on the Information Highway before I could get to it. All of this is in reference, of course, to Bush's latest insult to the intelligence of the human race by imposing his own personal sanctions on the people of Iran. Yes, according to Bush, it is the people of Iran who are the problem, make no mistake. He can veil it any way he likes — putting the blame on the country's military — but the military will never bear anything near the brunt of these sanctions like the average Iranian citizen. Unless of course, Bush fulfills what appears to be his and Dick Cheney's ultimate dream: starting World War III. All of these sanctions are based on the Iranian government having the "knowledge" to create nuclear weapons. No. My mistake — NUKECULAR weapons — as Bush continues to pronounce it, not caring how stupid he sounds. Yep, now we are punishing other countries for having "knowledge." Guess there's no real threat they will try to punish Bush. Cheney, maybe. But not W. Puffy. Why would anyone in his position of power even utter the phrase "World War III," much less try to strike fear in the hearts of the great unwashed (read: those who still believe anything he says) about such a thing? Unless, of course, he really is crazy. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt after he hosted the Dalai Lama and presented him with that big congressional honor. I thought maybe he had finally had a drink and chilled out. His eyes even seemed to separate a little so that they weren't a half-inch apart. He came closer than he has in almost eight loooong years to bearing some slight resemblance to a human being. But no. Here he goes again. War! What is it good for? Absolutely something! It might make Blackwater another billion dollars or so and take our minds off the fact that he just vetoed health-care insurance for millions of children. And our Democratic-controlled Congress isn't much better, in that they didn't have the gumption to stand up to him. And they will probably confirm Michael Mukasey as the new attorney general, even if he does believe in torture. Of course, the National Embarrassment probably thinks waterboarding was a sport popular in California before the fires. I'm surprised it wasn't addressed during FEMA's recent "press conference," during which employees of the agency tossed softball questions at their boss. But what does it really matter? If all keeps going as it is and the military keeps flying nuclear warheads around the U.S. and leaving them on military-base tarmacs for nine hours while everyone goes to lunch, we're likely to bomb our own country and be done with it. Oops!

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