Opinion » The Rant

The Rant



I am going to give up and stop worrying. I've been kind of freaked out by the way things are going with the whole Glenn Beck deal in Washington, D.C. — even though I have never seen or heard him and wouldn't know him if my foot accidentally got planted in his ass. But I've heard enough about him. He has become as yakked about as anyone lately, and it's sad to think that he's getting this much attention. Same with you-know-who. I kind of promised not to write about her anymore, but everywhere I look there she is, acting like some freak from a bad movie. You know who I'm talking about. I won't write her name. But her daughter has recently signed on to appear on a reality show named Dancing with the Stars. And to her I say, Break a leg! Isn't that what they say in show business? I hope so, because that's what these right-wing blowhards are doing: putting themselves in show business.

They don't give a damn about health care or the war ending or people being without jobs. They don't care about anything except themselves and getting as much media attention as they can possibly get. Why do you think they gather in such large numbers like lemmings and tote their racist signs around and show off like they do? The fact that they don't realize how stupid they look is amazing to me, although it probably shouldn't be, since they are doing it every chance they get. How many Tea Party conventions and rallies can there be? How many times can "she" appear on television, in newspapers and magazines, at fund-raisers where she knows there will be cameras? When does she take the time out to make salmon and Velveeta casserole for her brood?

This newest deal she has concocted with the Discovery network's TLC channel to show off the state of Alaska is one of the reasons I'm going to just stop worrying. When I find myself being a fan of the dude who entered their building and threatened to blow up the place, it makes me wonder how important it is to get worked up about much of anything anymore. And the thought of Bristol dancing around anything other than a pole makes me slightly nauseated, so I'm not going to think about that either. But none of that is as scary as "her" new show, about which Discovery/TLC touts, "It's Alaska-Tastic!" Does anyone out there have any heroin they can spare? I'm apparently not doing so well about not worrying.

But if this is the direction a third of the country is going to take, I don't care. Take it. I wish we could give them their own state — preferably Texas, since it is large and so many of them could live there. They could have their own laws, they could all be white, they could all have guns, they could all spit out babies like that family in Arkansas that keeps multiplying like catfish. They could all have great big colossal mega-churches and talk about the rapture and how everything is Obama's fault. They could be totally cool with not having any idea of who Margaret Thatcher is, and they could all wear fake antlers on their heads at Christmastime and have wallpaper borders dotted with illustrations of geese. And maybe if they have their own state and don't have to mingle with anyone else, they can all just get along and quit bitching. I'd just hate it for Mexico to be so close, but in this day and age, it's every man for himself. Sorry, Mexico. It's nothing personal. Just don't send any of your people there if this happens.

If we put all these people into Texas and let them secede from the Union, they could have all the reality shows they want because they would have their own networks. (Kind of like they do now with Fox News.) They could have a reality show on every hour and praise Dr. Martin Luther King. That idea was a real humdinger. I'd love to meet whoever thought it would come off as sincere. Nah, actually, I don't think I would. It would just give me more reason to try not to worry.

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