Stop the presses. Well, keep them going long enough to pin something on our dear vice president (read: crook and hypocrite who needs to come clean and come out from his underground bunker and face his part in the corporate scandal), but stop them for just a moment, as it occurs to me that this is the 700th issue of The Memphis Flyer. Which means, give or take a few, I have written this piece of tomfoolery about 650 times, beginning before the fall of the Berlin Wall. How old do I feel? We ve lived through two George Bushes, through two wars, through Lobster Boy s fabulous murder and Paula Jones and Ross Perot and half of Valerie Bertinelli s marriage and Lorena Bobbitt and Newt Gingrich and Jennifer Flowers and Seinfeld and Mr. Food and Dan Quayle and O.J. and the Mid-South Fair Spam Cookoff and Pee-wee Herman s (well, you know what) and Nancy Reagan s psychics forgetting to tell her to return those designer gowns and All the Presidents Colons and the Tonya Harding School of Hard Knocks and La Toya Jackson and Dionne Do You Know the Way To San Jose Because I m Too Stoned To Find It? Warwick and Richard Gere s pet gerbil and Chastity Bono s coming out and Cher s blond hair and Liz s brain tumor and the Arkansas governor s trailer and the Doxidan laxative commercial in which a country singer croons Doxidan, Doxidan, in the P.M. for a B.M. in the A.M. and Queen Elizabeth buying one outfit in 36 pastel colors and the mushroom not getting served at the bar even though he was a fun guy and Tears and Laughter: The Joan and Melissa Rivers Story and Prince Mongo and King Mongo and Saint Mongo and Stax Records being torn down and the Stax Museum of American Soul Music being built at the site and losing Princess Diana and Audrey Hepburn and Jackie O. and Marlene Dietrich and Frank Sinatra and Lucille Ball and Kurt Cobain and my mother and my father and John F. Kennedy Jr. and Jeff Buckley and Shirley from What s Happening? and Dennis Freeland and John Tigrett and Mother Teresa and Rene Williams and traveling with Wendy Moten to Amsterdam and watching Linda Gail Lewis wow the crowds in Wales and seeing her become hugely successful with Van Morrison and the Antenna club and line dancing on shag carpet at the Apartment Club and those duck buses that could navigate land or water and Mystery Train and The Firm and Wanda Wilson s hats and my cat turning 15 and getting the Memphis Grizzlies and then getting Jerry West and getting a fabulous baseball stadium and the hilarity of all the crimes committed by local politicians and the coming-of-age of the South Main Arts District and Cooper-Young and the Evergreen Corridor and Ice Storm 94 and getting Cat Country and Peabody Place and College Park and tearing down Helen of Memphis and Walgreen s destroying as many local landmarks as possible and Anfernee Hardaway and Cybill Shepherd growing up so graciously and the Grifters and Bill Eggleston and September 11th and Di Anne Price and Roseanne singing the national anthem and Sunny von Bulow still being in a coma and the Diet Coke guy and the Watson s girl and the National Civil Rights Museum and the Mid-South Peace & Justice Center and the new laws against midget-tossing in Florida and, in last week s column, me confusing the movie Annie with Annie Hall and, well, you write 650 or so of these columns and see if you don t screw up once in a while. No wonder I get dizzy if I drive over 30 miles an hour. SO, for roughly the 700th time, here s a brief look at what s going on around town this week. There s an opening reception at the Memphis Botanic Garden tonight for an exhibition of works by Phyllis Bailey. Down in Oxford at Square Books, there s a book-signing by former Flyer columnist Richard Rubin, who ll be signing copies of his new book Confederacy of Silence. (Rubin will be here in Memphis signing copies at Davis-Kidd Booksellers on Saturday and at the Center For Southern Folklore on Sunday.) Dan & Steve from King Konga with Native Son are at the Lounge tonight. The Dempseys are at the Flying Saucer. Scott Sudbury is playing the Rooftop Party at The Peabody. And last but certainly not least, there s this evening s Hands On Memphis Celebrity Bake Sale and Wine Tasting held at the offices of Carpenter/Sullivan at the Lofts downtown. This fund-raiser will feature wines from Victor Robilio Distributorship as well as bite-sized baked goods prepared by such notables as Henry Turley (bourbon balls, no doubt), Sid Selvidge, SuperGrizz, Silky Sullivan, Tony Barone, Jon Hornyak, Linn Sitler, Joe Larkins, Robert Raiford, Lee Warren, Valerie Calhoun, and yours truly, who will answer each question with the response Ah, bake off. It s 6 to 8 p.m., 20 bucks a head, and for a very worthwhile cause.