Transvestites. Murder. Silicone Pumping Parties. Forget that I just a few minutes ago had a conversation during which a friend told me how to saw a goat in half for a barbecue. Forget that I just found an old note I left for a friend who was house sitting for me and told her that I was going to let everyone in New York City know that her breasts were fake and to not change her adult diaper in front of my cat and that I could remember when the clothes she wears were actually in style and that, while there was beer in the refrigerator, to please not touch it and instead drink the wombat urine I left for her. Forget that incredibly frightening photo in The Commercial Appea
l the other day of the woman who thinks she was born to be a Playboy bunny, even though she was also born to be a wrestler. Forget about the most fabulous new website in the world, www.moderndrunkard.com, which currently has a very, very informative article titled How to Ace an Intervention. Forget about all of that. I am now officially obsessed with the Florida murder trial involving a man, a man who dresses like a woman and has enlarged breasts, and a grandmother who died from having too much silicone injected into her buttocks at one of the aforementioned pumping parties. Is anyone else on this train with me? It s fascinating. And it could happen only in Florida, home of Lobster Boy and my pal Noelle Bush (note to all Bush girls: read the How to Ace an Intervention article). The case has been going on for some time but has just recently gone to trial, a trial before which the courts warned people that it would be bizarre, flamboyant, and unusual, and before which the judge told jurors to be prepared to hear testimony from witnesses who are not just drag queens, but are also drama queens. There s a difference? At least that s what the second jury was told. The first jury was dismissed for talking with the media, which garnered a newspaper headline that read, and I am not making this up, Jury Dismissed in Silicone Injection Murder Trial After Leaks. All of the witnesses, apparently, are men wearing women s clothing in court. It seems that they had been going around the country with some $8-a-gallon industrial silicone, and charging people thousands of dollars for body sculpting with the stuff. One of the men/women/whatever on trial (the newspaper calls the men she and her ) is named Donnie Hendricks, but prefers again, in court to be called Viva. Their defense attorney is trying to say that it was the grandmother s own fault, because it was her desire to have insane amounts of silicone injected into her body over the course of five years that over time caused her to essentially take her own life. Insane amounts? Make up your own mind. She had the transvestites pump some 50 pounds of silicone into her buttocks. Which raises the most important question in the entire trial: Who the hell wants a 50-pound ass? There is so much wrong with this picture that it must, must end up as a made-for-television-movie Buttocks to Die For or something like that. If there s any resemblance of justice in this world, that will be on next week. In the meantime, here s a little look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight s big event is the 24th Annual Handy Blues Awards
at The Orpheum, presented by the Blues Foundation and co-hosted by Delbert McClinton, Bobby Rush, and Marcia Ball. Performers include Grammy-winner Solomon Burke, Magic Slim & The Teardrops, Corey Harris, Sam Carr, Robert Randolph, Richard Johnston, Ana Popovic, Delta Moon, Fiona Boyes, and others. There s also the Blues Hall of Fame awards ceremony, in which this year s picks will inducted, including Fats Domino, Pinetop Perkins, Dinah Washington, Sippie Wallace, and others. The Joyce Cobb Trio
is playing at tonight s Sunset Atop the Madison party on the roof of the Madison Hotel. And Melange
is celebrating its third anniversary tonight with a big party that includes $3 drink and food specials along with live music by the Chicago-based J. Davis Trio (who will also be at Young Avenue Deli Friday night).