I ve never made it a secret on this page that I am less than fond of the Christmas holidays and all that goes with them, especially being forced to listen to Christmas carols in public places as they waft through stores and other venues with no way to tune them out. In fact, each time I hear Burl Ives singing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, or any song for that matter, it sends the same type of chill down my spine as does witnessing a gruesome murder or horrible car accident. The worst part is that once I do hear something like this, the song, no matter how scary, gets stuck playing over and over in my head. And that is why I am angry with the Bush daughters.
Just when enough time has passed to get all of the holiday tunes out of my head for at least another 11 months, they are back. Here, see if this has the same effect on you. Sing along with the following lyrics to the tune of the famous Christmas carol: Noelle, Noelle Noelle, Noelle Poor Bush s daughter got popped scamming pills. Or this one, written for her Texas cousin, sung in a Texas twang: No Ale, No Ale No Ale, No Ale Poor Jenna s fake ID just did not quite sail.
I never thought I would be able to bring myself to like anyone in the Bush family, but what about those daughters? Wow. Those are some girls who just want to have fun. And who could possibly blame them? If I had George Washington for a grandmother and Ken Lay s best friend for a father/uncle, I think I d be out washing down a few tranquilizers with a margarita or two myself. Can you imagine? BUT, rocket scientists they are not. I feel sorry for Noelle, because while at least according to the photo the news has been using she certainly did not only not inherit the good looks that her brother did, she seems to have inherited the intellectual prowess of her uncle. Not only did she try to pass off a fraudulent prescription for Xanax, she did so by calling the pharmacy in her own voice, placing the order under the name of a doctor who no longer practices medicine in Florida, forgot to designate a quantity, and left her own home phone number as the call-back contact number.
Honey, honey, honey. There are much easier ways to go about matters like this. Hell, given the simple fact that you had the gross misfortune to be born into your family especially the fact that your uncle, our president, when asked recently about his administration s refusal to hand over important documents concerning the Enron debacle, stated on national television, My White House done what it was s posed to done I would think any doctor worth his or her salt would see the need for you to take tranquilizers. Didn t you learn anything when beating the charges on all the speeding tickets and automobile crashes and that little shoplifting escapade in Arizona? And what about your redneck cousins, who had to be whisked away by Secret Service personnel from a drunken brawl at a party in Beverly Hills, where they were throwing down with Snoop Doggy Dogg? Couldn t you have just gotten them to overnight you something? Well, I don t blame you for distancing yourself from them, seeing as how their father, although he didn t know Ken Lay, used Lay s private jet for most of the travel during his campaign. And by the way, you weren t named after the famous French holiday dessert cake, the bushe de Noâl, were you?
You know, that big chocolate log that looks, well, let s just say it: It looks like a big brown log of dookie. I certainly hope that s not the case. If so, all the more reason to take a little nerve pill now and then. Actually, I wish you the best of luck. You certainly deserve it. Now enough Bush-bashing. They are such easy targets there s just not much of a challenge. So on with the real point of all this: what s going on around town this week. Tonight, if you want some of Memphis better-known folks to sling you up some hash (well, so to speak) and help out a worthy cause all at the same time, it s Celebrity Waiters Night at Boscos Germantown, during which Rocky the Redbird, Grizz, the Rock 103 Wake Up Crew, and other local personalities will be waiting tables and bartending to help raise funds for the Ronald McDonald House.