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Total Solar Eclipse everywhere

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Monday's total eclipse has caused an avalanche of media reports. We've seen stories about legit eyewear vs. glasses that'll burn your retinas. We've been taught ways to observe the eclipse with no protective eyewear at all. We've been told about our primitive ancestors who thought solar eclipses foretold disaster and shown why the whole eclipse thing throws a wet blanket on the whole Flat Earther party. At this point, there are really only three questions that still need to be answered: Where are we gathering to watch the eclipse? What are we all going to shout collectively to frighten away the terrible sky-wolf Skoll when he finally catches and attempts to eat the sun? And, perhaps more importantly, where's everybody going to party afterward?

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From lush lawns to tall buildings, Memphis has no shortage of viewing party opportunities. Both the Brooks Museum (11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.) and Dixon Gallery and Gardens (10 a.m.-4 p.m.) are hosting free parties on the grounds with limited supplies of viewing glasses. The Pink Palace is hosting a similar free event (noon-2 p.m.) with opportunities to check out a model of the solar system, view the event through eclipse-approved telescopes, and interact with astronomers and experts. There's another viewing party at Shelby Farms (noon-2:30 p.m. on the Great Lawn), where meteorologist Ron Childers will talk about the eclipse.

If you'd like to watch the sun go out from a slightly higher vantage point (and access to adult beverages), a $5 donation to St. Jude buys admission to the Peabody rooftop (11 a.m.-2 p.m.). Should you prefer a more down-to-earth option, the Wiseacre Taproom is hosting a watch party (noon-3 p.m.). Following the big blackout, Ghost River Brewing's hosting an "I Survived the Solar Eclipse" after-party from 5 p.m.-till.

Oh, and when Skoll attacks the sun, just yell, "Shoo, Skoll!" or something like that. He's kind of a scaredy cat.

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