Ugh. I think I have officially reached middle-age. And speaking of which, why The Commercial Appeal felt compelled to mention my birthday and age in their "Daybreak" section last week is beyond me. I think I might file a suit, but I'm too old and tired to take the paper on. Just kidding. It was nice of them to think of me. But I got really depressed this morning when I read the little
section they print with news bits from 25, 50, 75, 100, and 125 years ago. I glanced at the "25 years ago" thinking, hmm, wonder what was going on way back then. Then I realized that 25 years ago was 1980! Way back then, I had already been out of high school for three years. I hope the CA stays around long enough so that in 25 years from today, the year 2030, they can still be printing this kind of news and people who are alive then can find out what happened on this day of this year. Karl Rove being evil incarnate. Martha Stewart having the nickname "M. Diddy" while in prison for doing what hundreds of men do every day. People arguing about the name of Nathan Bedford Forrest Park and the park's statue of the man who founded the Ku Klux Klan. Should it come down or not? Is it history or is it a shrine to the wonderful life of slavery? (By the way, I was doing some research on Forrest and learned through a site called NatchezBelle.org that he died of diarrhea. You can't argue the fact that he was full of shit.) I think I'm going to put a statue of Saddam Hussein in my yard and say it's because he is an integral part of American history. We did, after all, invade his country for no real reason and kill a lot of innocent people. And speaking of which, I had some correspondence with another newspaper columnist from another state not long ago. He had written about the innocent Iraqi lives lost and the United States military's attitude toward them. I sent him an e-mail, and he e-mailed back, and then we exchanged a few more. All, all of it, vanished from my computer the next day. It really did just disappear. How scary is that? If the government is monitoring my computers, I wish they would also get rid of the 300 or 400 spam e-mails I get a day. Or maybe they are the ones sending them. Maybe it's Karl Rove who thinks I need to have my penis enlarged every day. Condoleezza Rice, are you the one who wants to hook me up with Russian midget women with giant breasts and club feet? Vice President Cheney, I wish you would stop pestering me about hot milfs who are into bondage and ear fetishes. President Bush, is there a particular reason you'd like for me to have an erection every day for eight to 10 hours, even though at hour four I'm supposed to seek immediate medical attention? Mr. Rumsfeld, why do you want me to watch young teens doing the naked pretzel with horses? Why don't all of you people stay out of my computer and out of my life?!! I am too old for this. Old and tired. I used to do things like go to New York for my birthday or stay out dancing all night. This year, one of my best friends gave me a toilet tank, and I was in bed by 10 p.m. Ah well. I'll just keep on laughing to keep from crying. In the meantime, here's a quick look at some of what's going on around town this week. All in the Timing, at Glasshouse 383, is a play about how the entire course of your life can be changed by the timing of a single word. Tonight's Third Thursdays: Art After Dark at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens features music by Mississippi blues artist Eden Brent. William Lee Ellis provides the music at tonight's Sunset Atop The Madison concert series on the rooftop of the Madison Hotel, along with hors d'oeuvres, drinks, and a great view of downtown and the river. It's Ground Control 80s Night with MIG Project at the Full Moon Club. And the Hollywood All-Stars are at Automatic Slim's.
The Glory of Gershwin by George is at Theatre Memphis' Next Stage and is a cabaret show of eight performances featuring George Gershwin's melodies. There's an Artist Spotlight show at Painted Planet Artspace for ceramic masks and pottery by Allison Brick. The Memphis Redbirds kick off a four-day run against Round Rock tonight at AutoZone Park. Tonight's Orpheum Classic Movie Series feature is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Ricky Strickland is at Isaac Hayes Reloaded. And The Asylum Street Spankers are at the Hi-Tone.
Tonight's big Blues on the Bluff concert on the grounds of the National Ornamental Metal Museum to benefit WEVL-FM 90 radio features some of the best entertainers in the area: Sid Selvidge, The Burnside Exploration, and The Daddy Mack Blues Band. The Memphis Acoustic Music Association is hosting a concert tonight for the re-issue of Preachin' In That Wilderness, with William Lee Ellis, Andy Cohen, and Janie B. Goode. This afternoon's Libertyland Concerts shows are by Don McMinn and Nightrain. Tonight's Sip* Coffehouse Concerts series features Justice Nacyzcz with opening act Jason Cimon. The Fieldstones are at the Blue Worm tonight. It's the Brian Hayes Songwriters Showcase at the P&H Café. Tonight's Memphis Songwriters Summer Songwriting Series show at Mo's Memphis Originals features Nancy Apple. And if you think those three kids in West Memphis got a raw deal for being convicted of murders it's doubtful they committed, you might want to stop by Neil's (11 am.-3 a.m.) for the West Memphis Three World Awareness Day.
Carole King is at The Orpheum tonight, and I just can't think of anything more wonderful.
Tonight's Last Mondays in Studio A concert at the Stax Museum of American Soul Music is by Mable John, former Stax Records artist, the first female artist signed to Motown, and the lead singer for Ray Charles' backup singers The Raelettes for some 15 years. She'll be doing a tribute to Etta James, and the event includes complimentary wine, beer, soft drinks, and hors d'oeuvres. $20 general admission; free to Stax Museum members.
Memphis filmmaker and author Willie Bearden is at Davis-Kidd at 6 p.m. signing copies of his new book Cotton: From Southern Fields to the Memphis Market. Delta Highway is at the Blues Hall on Beale Street. Mayberry RFBS is at the Blue Monkey Midtown. Def Leppard and Crippled Nation are playing at the Mud Island Amphitheater tonight. And Evita opens at The Orpheum.
This evening's Court Square Concert Series artist is one of Memphis' finest, Candice Ivory. Back at Café Ole, Los Cantadores are playing tonight. The Bloodsugars, Cheese on Bread, and Walkie Talkie are at the Buccaneer. And that, as they say, is that. Do whatever you like. I have to go fix my toilet and see if the CIA is trying to get me a better mortgage rate, a college degree in three days, and a date with a one-legged stripper who is also a grandmother.